2012 Verve

Few things are as easy to break as a teenager’s heart or New Year’s resolution but if you want to see real angst, give a ten-year-old a sweater for Christmas.  As we toss the old calendar and pin up the new (yes I know in this digital age people don’t do that anymore but I’m old school), I want to help you keep your resolve to enjoy a healthier lifestyle this year.  Let’s take a hard look at your diet and exercise regimen to see if improvements are in order.

Well, that didn’t take too long, and yes changes are definitely called for.  First, here are suggestions to tone up those pockets of flab.  Get yourself a pair of those new motorized roller skates.  Battery powered, they strap right onto your shoes and hit 10 mph with little effort.  That’s the kind of aerobics I’m talking about!  After that I might strap one of those electric gizmos to my midsection which allows me to do about one thousand sit-ups while cooling down on the couch.  If you use the new sports bottle which is designed to allow for the consumption of your power eggnog without having to hardly tip your head back at all, you will avoid neck strains and other such dangerous contusions.

For diets, resolve to consume more fruit and nuts.  I’m told blueberries are really good for you and almonds are swell also.  I get dried blueberries and almonds from Trader Joe’s where both are found covered in dark chocolate in handy plastic tubs.  As I’m sure you are aware, the benefits of dark chocolate are themselves legendary.  It’s a win-win as far as I’m concerned.

With so many looking for a job in these troubled times, I turn to Hollywood for my final suggestion.  Hire a body double for yourself.  They can perform the more dangerous stunts.  I let mine touch my toes.  No danger of a painful pull or over-exertion there.  He or she also can help out around the house with other routine tasks.  Mine is currently driving over to Trader Joe’s to buy some more of those chocolates and a carton of profiteroles for me.  The latter isn’t officially part of the diet but I think it’s important to reward myself for being so disciplined.